Every time I see this picture of Annabella, my heart flutters. I melt. I just want to reach into my computer and touch that little face and give her a big kiss. I begin to miss those days when Annabella was barely 8 pounds and so tiny. I miss those itty bitty newborn diapers that I kept buying for her long after she outgrew them.
It is safe to say that this picture gives me baby fever.
Heck, my own baby gave me baby fever when she was this small. I would look at my perfect little baby and think, "I need another one RIGHT NOW." Seriously. One day when she was only 2 months old, I laid down next to her on my bed and I CRIED real tears because I NEEDED to have another baby right this minute, but how could I love two babies at the same time? How could I give them both everything they deserved?
As it turns out, I did not need another baby. I needed a nap and a warm meal.
Annabella was still a newborn when people started asking when we were going to have another baby, and by the time she was nine months old and already cruising along the furniture, people would say, "It's time for another one." At the time I would just laugh and say maybe. Sometimes I would agree, depending on how I felt at the time. In fact, there were times when I really was wanting another baby and I would say so. But then there were (and still are) days when I do not want to have another baby just yet, or maybe even at all.
I am not the type of person who thrives from being around little ones all the time. I like clean, quiet, alone time. Annabella is the complete opposite of me in that way - she is messy and loud and loves having someone nearby. So I wonder sometimes if having another baby would even be a good idea for my sanity.
But then I think about the joy Annabella has brought to my life, and I want more. More of that joy. More giggles and smiles and yes, even more messes.
Lately, Annabella loves baby dolls, and she is even more fascinated by real babies. When people see her ogling over a tiny baby, they tell me, "it's time for another one."
And I say yes, it is.
But also, it's not.
I don't know when we are going to have another baby, or even if we will have another one. I would love to have another baby, but sometimes having just one child is hard enough for me to handle. Even nine months from now, I don't know if it will be any easier for me to have a toddler and a newborn.
What I do know is that, if I do get pregnant again, we will be overjoyed. Even if it's not the "right time." Even if we are still living in our 800 square foot apartment. Even if we weren't "planning" on another baby at the time. Even if Annabella is already seven years old.
Our family is perfect just the way it is, but our hearts will always be open to expanding. Until that happens, we are going to enjoy our life as a family of three.